Shopping Continued

So, Shopping! I love it, but do it all too often. Problem is I don't like to spend too much money. Let's just say it would be hard for me, although I have done it, to spend $50 or more on any one peice of clothing. I think it is absurd. However, I love designer clothes and being in fashion, so this creates the next obstacle on the road to looking good. Thus, I am regulary checking Ebay for deals. Usually, they have women's clothing lots for sale. Sometimes the clothes are all new with tags, sometimes a mix of used and new. A designer lot new with tags can go for several hundred dollars, but you'll get 20 or 30 pcs., well below retail. I just got a great lot. All the clothes were used, but in excellent condition. To me, one wash, and they were never anyone else's. (Anyone beg to differ on that?) Anyway, I got about 17 pairs of pants, a wool coat, and the rest were tops ( I think 35 pcs. total) for $71.00 (including shipping). Even if you don't like all the stuff in the lot, 17 pairs of pants to try on! Heaven! They were mostly Gap, Abercrombie, BCBG, The Limited. I can't wait to get the package. I will let you know how it turned out. So, go ahead and try it yourself. Just type in women's clothing lot and your size and see what you get. Lots of fun, and you don't have to leave homw (again, a problem if you like to shop too much).

So, getting back to last night. When I have control at dinner (my witching hour, when cravings kick in to say the least), I feel proud and literally give myself a pat on the back. The moment I wake up, the first thing I think of was "Was I good last night-did I eat or drink too much?) Then I either pat myself on the back or beat myself up and tell myself I am a loser. That I don't love my kids enough or I would take the ultimate care of myself to lenghten my life so I can be here for them as long as possible.

My goal is to eat meals without sampling my cooking 20 times until I am full, and then eat dinner anyway! If I could just eat the meals intended, and not finish the cold ground beef and spaghetti off my kids plate (why, why, why, when I am not even hungry). I find I really have to focus to just make the meal, sit down and eat it, and not put one morsel of food in my mouth until it is time. I have to put my mind to it, or mindless eating will take over! It can be done, but with much effort, and I am certainly not there yet.

Shopping!

Today I did not get on the scale. Too scared. I was pretty well behaved yesterday, didn't overeat, but ate some fattening things. Point is I did not feel out of control and that is good. More in a minute, having some technical difficulties, need to do a test.

Spell Check!

Sorry, I promise to spell check next post! I am just always rushing to squeeze in a post. More on the whole time issue next time!

December 1: No Self Control!

Well, I did pretty well over the Thanksgiving Holiday. I consider doing well eating what I want, but in moderation. You see (take note), when you allow yourself to eat what you want (just in perhaps smaller portions), you don't tend to overeat or self sabatogue. So, I did great. Then when I got home, I knew I had to cool it, and all of a sudden, I was in the binge mode. I don't binge and purge, just eat a ton, then feel really bad about it. So, that is where I am at right now, 110 lbs!

Enough about that. Tips for you: Did you know that if you eat spicy foods, you can raise your metabolism by as much as 23%? I eat spicy foods all the time, but because I like them. I am hoping the that the metabolism thing is really true, though. It is a great perk for foods I already like.

THE LATEST: I was reading a question and answer type article and the question was why did this person weigh more at night than in the morning (sometimes up to 10 lbs she said!). The answer seemed obvious to me: You have a day's worth of food and drink in you. In the morning after "evacuating" as she called it, you have the least amount of waste, water, food, etc. The person writing in thought she might be retaining too much water, but the expert didn't seem to think that was it, as weighing differerenly throughtout the day is normal. Any thoughts out there?

November 23: Some tips for you

Hey. I am trying to figure out some kind of format for this blog. I think I will start everyday with my weight for the day. Let me explain: I weigh myself everyday. I think this is good and bad. Good, because I know if I am leaning higher or lower, and need to perhaps adjust some habits. Bad, because it is obsessive behavior. Anyway, yesterday was 108.2 and today was 107.2 lbs. (keep in mind my scale is about 2 lbs. less than it should be). Anyway, it was shocking because I felt like I ate way too much the night before, and to wake up to 107.2 was good.



I don't want this blog to be all about me and my phobias, fears, obsessions...I want to relay info to you. Things that i find interested in relation to health, fitness, aging, etc. So, on that note, may I recommend the book The Perricon Prescription ( I think that is how you spell it). It is by a doctor, and he gives all kind of advice and recommendations on how to be wrinkle free. Among them is to eat salmon at least 5 times a week. I thought he was nuts, but find that is not that hard for me because I like salmon and can eat it different ways (smoked, terriyaki, cajun). He also recommends supplements. I take L-Glutamine (supposed to work against the negative effects of alcohol and make you crave it less!), L-Carnitine (found in the Nivea Anti-cellulite creams and pills sold with it), Alpha-Lipoic acid, and Chromium Polynictinate (not chromium picolinate he insists). I have heard of the chromium and L-carnitine for help with fat burning, better absorbtion, but he says it helps with wrinkles too, so great! Anyway, he has lots of interesting theories, so it is a good read. I have also tried the face cream ingredients he recommends (alpha-lipoic acid, vitamin c ester, and DMAE (which he touts as a miracle ingredient). Anyway, I don't know if I have seen much difference, but then again, I don't take the pills 3 x daily with meals (probably twice a day) and sometimes I forget to put on the face cream. I still have hope though, so I use it. Also, I have tried the Garnier Nutrisse anti-puff eye roller gel and have to say, I don't think it works. And I have tried very hard to apply day and night as directed, and still, not impressed. I have these dark cirles and puffy eyes. Any ideas out there (I've even tried cucumber slices-tea bags are next!)

Looking forward to hearing from you. I don't know how you get people to discover your blog, but hopefully someone will. I am going to visit Skinny Jeans, a blog I really like, and see if I can get some ideas on blog traffic.

Thanks! Vicki

Is anyone out there?

Hey, I just wanted to apologize. I read my first blog post, and realized I did not spell check! Sorry. I will do better. I used to not have to spell check at all, but having to kids, I am convinced, eats away at your brain, so I do not have the memory or spelling skills I used to. Can anyone out there confirm or deny my theory that having children steals your brain cells? Please, if anyone reads this at all, please let me know you are out there. It would really motivate me to share more!

Thanks! Vicki

Allow me to introduce myself

Wow, I am so happy to be finally doing this. You see, I don't know what it is. Do I have a procrastination problem, fear of failure complex, or a little of both. Anyway, I'll tell you. I have been wanting, NEEDING, to create this blog for sometime now. I need an outlet that is mine, that I can voice my issues. But somehow, the excuses kept piling up:

I don't have time
No one will read it
what if I can't keep up with posting to it everyday
what blog hosting site do i choose (there are so many-which one will be just right for me?)

The list goes on and on. But one thing is for sure: If you do nothing, nothing will happen. So, I am giving myself credit for just starting. What I really want to discuss in this blog is reaching forty (January, 2009) , and trying to stay in shape, basically. But there are so many issues: Overeating (not eating until you are comfortable, but until you are so full, you know you will not want to get up in the morning due to the guilt, shame.) Struggling with trying to make healthy choices or go for that second glass of wine which will ultimately lead you to eat more. I guess a big theme of this discussion will be self-sabotage. Why do we not exercise when we know it is good for us and make us feel awesome? Why do we overeat and eat things that we know will make us feel lousy. Sometimes I feel like my own worst enemy. It seems the more knowledge I have about health and nutrition, the worst choices I make in my weak moments.

Let me explain and perhaps give you a little background. I am an overweight person trapped inside a thin women's body. Many people who see me comment on how thin I am. GREAT. Except, 90% of the time, I don't feel good about myself. It all depends on what I ate and how much I have been exercising. It is such a vicious cycle. One day I feel great because I kind of ate moderately, and exercised. The next day, I will make a bad food choice (or several) and I feel like I have lost any gain I have made. So, I just laugh at those people and tell them they are crazy, when in fact, sometimes I feel like I am. I needed to write this because of course, husbands don't get it.

Anyway, I have a history with food (who doesn't), but here is mine. I am trying to remember my first connection or thoughts about food. It goes way back to eating a whole bag of m and m's. Back then, it didn't matter, I didn't gain weight, and it was a non-issue (although certainly not healthy). I think the first time I started thinking about food and weight was in high school. Because I am a petite person, I never gain a lot of weight by most people's standards, but a little weight shows a lot on my small frame. In high school, I had a lot of issues trying to figure out who I was (one year I was a "guidette" (New York Ese for tight clothes, big hair, makeup), but soon found out that wasn't me. Then I was wanting to fit in with the Puerto Ricans (nice, but I was not Puerto Rican and it showed. I might have ethnically looked the part, but no dice). Then I was a punk/goth type girl who wore lots of long dresses and big clothes (perfect for hiding my forming body). After high school, I was kind lost, and I started to get nervous about my future. I started to binge eat, but never threw it up or anything like that. That was the problem-I gained probably 15-20 lbs at my highest weight which was 133 lbs. Trust me, it was a lot on me. I was miserable. Then I started working at a New York city nightclub where all that seemed important was what type of body you had. I know this sounds superficial, but please don't judge me just yet. I started exercising religiously, and carefully watched what I ate. Guess what? I lost weight, and got the attention of those guys. But not surprisingly, they wanted things I didn't, and when I wasn't playing their games, they lost interest. Luckily, I didn't have too much in common with them! Long story short, I met a guy who changed my life, especially in relation to food. He had no sensors when it came to food. He was just so free. He would eat what he felt like eating and he never got fat. In other words, he listened to his body about what he wanted (for example, our first breakfast together, he ordered Belgian waffles with whipped cream and ice cream! I was floored as I sat there eating my bran muffin and coffee with skim milk and sweet and low!) It was so liberating to watch him. He also did not exercise, but was very active (building things generally just never having enough projects. He was always doing something. He could never sit still for a whole movie if we rented one.) So, we fell in love, and I kind of adapted his ways. I eventually stopped exercising, but I did not consciously overeat. I am not saying that sometimes I did not eat too much, but it wasn't like it was before: to self destruct. Once I stopped obsessing about it all, I leveled out to a great weight, and managed to eat anything I wanted, but moderately (you've heard this theory in French women don't get fat).

Fast forward to 10 or so years later. Around 37 years old (around the holidays, a relative commented that I was getting chunky. You must know that this particular relative is always teasing, joking, and most people don't put a lot of stock in what he says. But, I knew that my eating was kind of getting a little crazy (I can't control myself at parties, so much so, that I am thinking of avoiding them altogether.) Anyway, I wasn't feeling that great about myself. Wine with dinner became the norm, but to maintain wait at my age, you can't really make that a habit, I've found. With with wine comes calories and overindulging. This is what had made me gain about 7 lbs. Actually let me clarify. I am a caterer (go figure-my livelihood is centered on food!) Anyway, in the summer at our busiest time, I always drop about 5 lbs and in the winter I gain 5. I can absolutely handle that. But at 37 years, I noticed that summer I did not drop the weight, but rather maintained the 5 lb gain. THAT bothered me.

The point: I am getting older, and I believe if I do not exercise and watch what I eat I will get that middle age spread that I so despise. So, when all that happened, I started to exercise and watch what I eat. GREAT, right? WRONG. I realized that I started that whole vicious cycle over again by obsessing about diet and exercise ( I think that is just my personality, obsessive). So, for two years I have been exercising, trying to eat right, reading every book under the sun (especially my Marilu Henner who talks a lot about self-sabotage). In the middle of the two year mark, I was completely obsessed, exercising almost daily. Now,I have slowed down a bit, but just trying to get it right. I would love to be super slim like the celebrities you see. Clothes just look so great on them, but I know that you must pay a price for that look. It is eating a very strict diet and exercisng, and I don't know if I can or am willing to do that. History had told me that is I restrict myself too much, I always eventually fall back into the same nasty habits, but even worse. Right now, people tell me I look in my late twenties, early thirties tops.

Can you relate ladies? Gentlemen? Please help me figure this all out. I hope this blog will be informative and fun, but also helpful I guess spiritually, so that y0u know you are not alone.

More later, thanks.